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One of my recent wrestling with God was over the idea of physical healing. Well, healing prayer to be exact. I guess there’s emotional healing and spiritual healing in addition to the physical aspect, but those are significantly less spectacular, at least for the observer. After reading some books and occasionally finding myself at a seminar or talking with someone who “knows about that stuff” I was expecting that the next step for me would be to have my own experience of healing. However, at the time, I wasn’t experiencing any physical issues that I could receive healing for. Poor me.

This last summer things changed. Out of the blue I started to experience some crazy spells of dizziness and things got so bad that I would have episodes of nauseating-world-spinning that would last two to four hours and involve vomiting about every 30 minutes. So that sucked. At the same time I started loosing hearing in my left ear. Eventually I was diagnosed with Ménière’s disease and after about four months received a treatment that destroys the nerve endings on the inner ear thus stopping the episodes. So, no more eating disorder for me (I had lost close to 30 pounds) but my hearing is still shot.

Two days ago, with great help from my parents, I got an amazing piece of technology, a $2200 hearing aid. It cost almost as much as my laptop. It’s fantastic. Whenever I take it off now I realize how much hearing I’ve lost.

Back to my wrestling. Throughout this ordeal I’ve asked God for healing for my ear. I’ve had people pray for me, both for the Ménière’s and for the hearing loss. I asked God if I should even ask for healing. I go back and forth from thinking there are far more worse things that people suffer from to yeah, but God desires wholeness for His creation.

I haven’t experienced a miraculous healing. At least not in the strictly supernatural sense. But, the technology that fits inside this tiny machine (which is undetectable to others, not one person has noticed it yet without me telling them, not even my ENT doctor) is certainly miraculous. So, is this healing? Is this God giving healing? Is this more or less “miraculous” than if I had just gone to a prayer meeting and walked out able to hear? At what point do I fall into a post-modern delirium and get lost in the possible perspectives? Does it matter? Does how I define this experience define how I understand God? Should it?

I don’t really know.

I’ve been away from this blog for some time now and also away from formally processing my thoughts, which has led to less processing all together, which is bad for me. So here’s my first post back. Let’s try to make it weekly.


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